Family Guy “Something” Movie

2 01 2010

Was that the title? I don’t even give a shit. Here’s the hierarchy of Jokes for the Family Guy writers:
#1 Cutaway: Characters play roles in some pop-culture reference. No connection to plot, is usually ripped word for word from a movie/tv script.
#2 Cutaway: Actual tv/movie clips. These are becoming more common. Whole sections of other people’s work. Its the same “joke” used in #1, but even less effort.
#3 Ads. Plain as day, in your face ads.No shame. At one point the characters all acted out an exact replica of a Juicyfruit commercial- go figure, always a product still being sold. The advertisers who wrote that scene initially should get a credit. All Family Guy did was animate a duplicate and accept a cheque from Wrigleys. How creative!
#4 References to old family guy jokes. Peter fighting with the giant chicken, wincing over an injured shin, evil monkey, Meg is a loser. When they aren’t “creative” enough to steal the work, they bludgeon us to death with their few, FEW tired favourites.
#5 Long pointless pauses. Just stop the tape once in while for no reason. I think they heard that there is brilliance in comedic timing and misunderstood. A pause is brilliant, if there is some context or substance behind it. I can stop the fucking tape myself and wait 30 seconds if that’s what i find funny.
#6 Original creative writing. Maybe, MAYBE a couple jokes i hadn’t heard before. Most likely i just missed the “reference”.
Who writes a movie someone else already wrote twice?! Its watching Star Wars with Seth MacFarlane while he cracks lame jokes he googled. “What do you call a one legged woman?” Peg or Ilene. I’m stupider for watching; Seth is laughing at us not with us. My cat has more refined tastes for entertainment (string). If i wasn’t eating dinner i certainly would have turned it off. Unfortunately it survived and gets the next possible lowest rating.

Rating (D-)

Total Crap Factory





Avatar (Up in the Air)

31 12 2009

Went to the theatre to see Avatar last night! Seeing this flick in the Imax theatre is really the way to go! Biggest budget in movie history, the special effects are amazing! You’ll also get a cool pair of 3D glasses; I saw movie goers marvelling with these paper toys as I entered the theatre across the hall showing Up in the Air with George Clooney. Seems everyone else had the same idea i had, Avatar was sold out. So Clooney is a consultant hired to fire people in this one, it gets a bit dark and depressing at times. This is one of those movies where everybody is bad but they’re charming so its OK. Arrested Development guy was in it, Davey whatever the funny guy from Tropic Thunder, a chick from Twilight, also J.K. Simmons and Sam Elliot who are both cool (old guys you’d recognize easily). The movie looked really good visually, and the plot worked. . . .I don’t recall the music. It wasn’t a crap romance and it had a little depth. I’m glad i went to see Avatar.

I stole a pair of glasses from some kid on the way out.

Rating: B-





The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

22 12 2009

The goods is the latest Will Farrell related movie starring Jeremy Piven who was the dean in Old School. They had a bit near the end where Farrell was in it (uncredited), but he was all on his own- the entire scene was obviously filmed separately which kind of sucked. Still, funny shit. . . .Ok, so I swear i was enjoying this one, but I’ve been working a lot lately, and missed the last half hour when i passed out. The setup was a classic- save the business with a crazy weekend scheme based on a bet. I remember Marcellus Wallace in it and Alan Thicke who’s cool again i guess? There were also a number of actors from The Office (which is a requirement for comedies these days). Super hilarious David Koechner, is in this as well. He’s from both Will Farrell movies and The Office- he’s the guy who took a shit on manager Michael Scott‘s carpet. . . .The cats showed some definite interest in this flick. . . .. but we were also eating Sushi.

Rating: B+


(no one from the movie is in this photo- sorry)





All About Steve

15 12 2009

Ughh…Alright so i watched some Sandra Bullock movie. Dr. Johnny Fever was in it as her dad, which was cool, but there wasn’t a ton more to expect. . . .The usual crap where Demi is the main character and she’s all crazy and neurotic at first having awkward exchanges with men in elevators and such. Then we find out she’s not just crazy, she has some talent- in this case it was trivia knowledge. Being a brainiac and endearing qualities take Julia from nuts to eccentric. Another movie where the message is that its OK to be different (just as long as you compromise and become like everyone else). . .All these movies about nothing have a few specified characteristics to try and give them some depth. You know, two boggle champions fall in love, or the hero is obsessed with her purse or some shit. In this flick you can look forward to boots and crossword puzzle writing.

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: C





Star Trek 2009

7 12 2009

I was a bit skeptical going into this one.. ,wait. I’ll lay down my level of Trekness before i continue. Love the old trek, next generation and the movies- everything else trek is total crap. I’m not a superfan who can tell you who did what when and how many times such and such happened, but i could name all the regular characters from both crews. My nerd rating is maybe a C+ on trek. . . ..So Leonard Nemoy was in this one, which is cool for all the old time fans- I love when he shows up on The Simpsons. Shaun of the Dead guy Simon Pegg was young Mr. Scott. Which was a great selection- since the original Scotty was a riot. They chose all new young cast members to play Kirk and the gang. The story was set earlier in their history when the original crew all meets.  The acting was good, right down to mannerisms, but i don’t know if they all really looked the part. These people were all just too pretty. Compared to other Trek movies, this one was an action super/action, good story line as well- with plenty of stuff to impress those of us familiar with the characters. One of them kisses Uhura! But it was no Wrath of Khan . . . .  I did fall asleep and missed the means by which they solved the crisis, but I’m sure it was a string of techno mumbo jumbo as is the usual solution.

Rating B+

No Shatner in this one! Maybe they wouldn’t let him rap.





2012: Supernova

2 12 2009

I remember watching 2012: Supernova maybe 2 months ago. Common theme, sun wiping us out. I had thought i was about to watch the new 2012 with John Cusack, but this was a low budget flick that beat them to the apocalyptic punch. Movies are easy to sell when they freak you out for real, if i had a dollar for every time the world was supposed to end. Here’s a thought people, maybe the Mayans and others wrote a bunch of freaky stories because of the astronomical event and not vice versa. We don’t ACTUALLY turn into wolves during an eclipse, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear multiple “Seers” had predicted so . . . .Wait this was a movie review. Oh man, i’m sorry it was too long ago, and it was really bad, the only thing i seem to remember are shots of people driving pickup trucks in the country. There might have been a guy with a hat.

Rating: D-





RoboDoc

2 12 2009

What a piece of Shit. The Chinese food i was eating while watching this made me sick, i didn’t even bother to pause it. Starring Alan Thicke as a boring doctor in a comedy, there were a couple funny moments, but thats the most. The RoboDoc guy was unoriginal- ever wonder what Star Trek’s Data character would be like as a Doctor? They could have at least gotten the real Data . . . John Byner was in it, who was really funny in Transylvania 6-5000 but they didn’t really have him say anything interesting in this one. He’s also the guy from that always late night sketch comedy show from the 80′s,  Bizarre. Bud from Married With Children was in it, and Parker Lewis Can’t Loose guy- neither of which were any good. Offensiveness? Some racism, also a point where a patient is treated like a king because he has health insurance (give me a break). However, there was a lawyer character who was funny and anything in the movie that was any good seemed to revolve around his schemes- but i’m not going to bother looking him up as this movie really sucked and its not worth it. . . .Someone with an overstock of lab coats and b tv stars decided to make a movie.

Rating: D





Transylvania 6-5000

1 12 2009

Transylvania 6-5000 is one of the coolest movies ever made! I know, I know, its really cheesy and some of the jokes are pretty corny, but the setup and resolution are classic. A great 80′s flick! Jeff Goldblum is in it, so its bound to be good. Did you see him in bodysnatchers yet? You may know him as the quirky math guy from the Jurassic Park movies- also pretty awesome cheesy-ness. . . . Let’s see, Ed Begley Jr is great as well- such a sap and, AND Micheal Richards (Kramer) playing one of the funniest characters from any movie- way before Seinfeld. Always playing ‘pranks’ he thrusts an ashtray into Ed Begley Jr’s face suggestively and insists, “smell it, smell the glass, is good no?” There are many scenes in this movie where you can almost swear Goldblum is laughing at the ridiculousness of every other actor’s character.. . .. The wolfman, a slutty vampire, a swamp mutant who’s only real mutation is a weird way of holding his knee. . . .Over the top, wacky good fun!

Rating A+








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