Jim Smetchland Reviews

Captain American

remistevens — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:53:18 +0000

About 2 weeks ago i was in the mood for an American propaganda flick, this movie did not disappoint. USA policing the world fighting evil bringing freedom and liberty to savages around the globe. Inspire young Americans to fight in today’s pointless wars by glorifying WWII. But despite popular opinion formed from movies and video games, individuals are not successful in war. You will not ‘find your identity’ in war. Your best bet to stay alive and help your fellow soldiers is to toe the line, be like everyone else and do exactly as you’re told….Ok enough ranting, as stated earlier i was in the mood for this……So now, finally, the reason why i am typing. ….Disgusted that Hitler wasn’t evil enough, the movie’s villain goes rogue and splits from the Nazi. I never got into 40′s era propaganda comics but, they’re kidding right, Hitler wasn’t a big enough villain? They actually needed to create a WWII character who is worse than Hitler. Although you can’t see it, i am shaking my head.

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: D

Drew does Captain America: The First Avenger (mutantreviewers.wordpress.com)

Stupid 8

remistevens — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:15:57 +0000

I was excited to see this movie and then entirely disappointed. Big budget movies; the preview is a better film. The preview had suspense, intrigue, mystery- the movie has very little of these. I won’t give anything away, but i will tell you what this flick isn’t. Its not a thought provoking intelligent sci-fi centered around a super 8 video recording. There just happens to be a super 8 camera present in the film, but its clearly tacked in for the purposes of title. All an attempt to prop up a very tired, very very familiar plot. Audio and video effects are stunning though, so down a few whacko caps and pretend this one’s worth watching once.

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: C+

Super 8 (2011) – 2.5/5 (allenwatcheseverything.wordpress.com)
Super 8: Super stupid (powerlineblog.com)

My 30 seconds on Googlet

remistevens — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 20:12:51 +0000

May have been more, it felt like an eternity.

Remi Stevens sent me an invite to Googlet and i joined. Opening screen, gray icons, none are active. Pressed until it relented starting an interactive tour. Titles of icons make no sense, I’m like a toddler learning where the green square fits. A flashing saw blade named ‘sparks’ caught my eye first, of course its a pure adverti$ing portal. Finished the mandatory tour and it made me join again, so i joined again…. Figured i’d link to Remi. He’s not recommended, doesn’t search, is nowhere. Pop-up boxes inhibit my search- its like being at the mall. Alas, hidden, ‘notifications’ has him in the far corner. Fooled, i move to press the ‘add to circles’ button and another box flies open forcing me to determine Remi as friend family or acquaintance- he’s none of these. Won’t let me close, so i select ‘friend’, still no close. I label him a new category: ‘jim’ and the site lets me proceed. A circle called: ‘following’, not even sure what that means? A band would have a following, but a fan would follow…all so confusing. Pop-ups, boxes. Grey screens like a film that restrict me from touching anything. Red bars periodically pop up at the top warning about saving or not saving or something……It directs me like a prodded steer into a mandatory profile setup. There are tabs on top of my profile for: info, videos, photos, and “+1′s” -whatever the hell that means! Press the damn thing and another box jumps open asking if you want to add the “+1′s” to your profile that you just opened from your profile. box box box I’m done.

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: -F

Knight and Day

remistevens — Fri, 27 May 2011 20:40:43 +0000

Its movies like this that make me wish I was born in an era where Tom Cruise was not alive. . . .or possibly a universe where he never existed… I think I’ve figured out why so many big stars play characters who are spies or super heroes forced to act like normal people- makes it less obvious that Tom Cruise is incapable of acting like a normal person. Sure its contrived, its supposed to be. Want your dog to perform a trick while having a nap? Ask him to play dead… The end was just weird, they do a happy pitch-corrected pop song drive-away roll credits, then unexpectedly, a brief sombre finale followed by silent credits as though we’d just watched Shindler’s List or something. Maybe it just played wrong for me or something, I don’t get it?

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: D-

Space Attack!

remistevens — Tue, 03 May 2011 14:37:14 +0000

This was a great flick. Scientist Kevin Spacey discovers something. Attack is imminent, no one would believe him, no one except veteran FBI agent Bruce Willis and hot shot Keanu his new partner. Its gripping to watch these pros in action, scene after scene they just stare at each other blankly and so much tension and emotion is implied… Using Bruce’s brute force and Keanu’s connections with a senator, the heros finally reach the president. But alas, the general could not be swayed from his plan of firing nuclear missiles at something. There was no hope for survival, but a twist comes rendering all earlier conflicts irrelevant! Hate to ruin it, but, Willis was actually suffering from an extremely rare psychological disorder which causes hallucinations and Keanu was conning him all along without realizing that Spacey was running an even better con while it was all actually just a dream embedded by an evil scientist into a long lost half brother of Willis who’d been possessed by a demon.

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: A

Buried

remistevens — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 21:07:09 +0000

Fuck, newsflash, its just Van Wilder stuck in a box for 2 hours. What a goddamn mystery, thrilling. . . .But seriously, i couldn’t stop watching, i had absolutely nothing better to do, how depressing is that?! Well actually i got up and left here and there to try and pass the time along, i wanted to see if he got out of the damn box so I’d check in a bit while doing laundry. I won’t completely give away the ending in case you go through this torture yourself but goddamit! hmmmm, I remember being offended by some of the American propaganda, but i can’t recall exactly what was said, i was zoning out and it was days ago. The only real cinematic difference would happen about every half hour where they would pick an angle and zoom out excruciatingly slow to show the box in a dark space. Worst part, he lives for hours in a coffin with a lighter burning and somehow never runs out of breath- in real life you’d be dead in minutes. They account for this by having him exclaim every once in a while “i can’t breath in here!”. Shit, why do i bother?

Jim Smetchland’s Rating: D-

The New Remi Stevens Store!!!

remistevens — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 15:31:01 +0000

It was a lot of work, but the new store is finally available! I’ve ordered some of the gear myself, it arrived fast and looks great. Over time new items will be added as well, particularly there will be more shirts with “clever” sayings from The Filthy Kitchen. Have a look!

and the button:

The Extendables

remistevens — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 06:29:33 +0000

Its like a highschool yearbook for action stars; the camera didn’t capture anything interesting, but everyone managed to sit still and smile long enough to get some shots for the final print. Willis and Schwarzeneggar would only agree to appear with each other and Stallone. No Stratham scenes- they’re above that type of thing. I watched this crap maybe 2 weeks ago, i can’t tell you what it was about, I think there was a helicopter and a jungle drug lord or something. I do, however, clearly remember the posters with the eight-ish big stars standing in a row. That was the only image that mattered anyway wasn’t it? Sell us the movie first and foremost; its why the previews leave you feeling more entertained than the movie. I could get a year’s worth of Hollywood garbage over within a short night of nothing but “trailers” and confidently discuss anything that went on that year.

Rating D

The Untitled Work of Paul Shepard

remistevens — Sat, 22 May 2010 12:54:54 +0000

I had the honour of attending a preview screening of this independent flick- the success of this review site gets me invited to a lot of Galas so don’t be surprised!— Its now playing!…. The Untitled Work of Paul Shepard was written and directed by a talented guy named Jeremy Lalonde. Without the budget to build and destroy a small city, these smaller operations are forced to rely on things like a good story and talent. Knowing people poured their hearts into this film was enough to make me turn off my video camera at the screening.
Actors and their goddamn three part names. . . . Paul Shepard (Kristen Holden-Ried) is a fairly normal guy torturing himself by working on a documentary about his ex-girlfriends. That should go smoothly….His reluctant wingman/producer/audio guy ‘Ray’ (Alex Poch-Goldindid) does a great job pointing out the ridiculousness of his friend’s endeavour. I would also like to note the appearances of David Thamer (an extra) and Pat Mastroianni who was Joey Jeremiah on Degrassi- I believe he meant that ass slap he gave his pregnant wife. . . .Solid actors, good production, funny stuff. Go see it this weekend at the Carlton in Toronto:

The Untitled Work of Paul Shepard, screening at 4:25pm and 9:20pm daily.

Jim’s Rating: A+

Pirate Radio

remistevens — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 17:28:20 +0000

PSHoffman is good as usual, I just can’t be bothered to write his full name out. These actors and their goddamn 3 part stage names, if you don’t use your fake middle name you will never win an award for your acting. How about Joseph Manwell Flatulence someone should start calling themselves that to get respect. . . . .This was a solid flick. Good characters, some funny moments, suspense and conflict. Not everything made sense, but it was a light movie so who cares? Basically they operate a pirate rock radio station in the North Sea in the 60′s because the BBC won’t play pop. My only beef, but man its a big one, is the text at the end- don’t worry I’m not giving anything away. They claimed that the rebels of pirate radio would eventually take over because, hold your hat, rock stations are common place today. . . . .They’re kidding right? Corporate rock stations are how pirate rebels won out in the end? Metallica and their ilk are the stuffy dudes in suits back on land trying to get pirate radio shut down. I almost threw my computer during the montage of corporate rock albums at the end that was supposedly honouring the victors of the pirate rock revolution. Make the obvious Napster comparison instead, that would make sense, that’s the prevailing rebellion. Ah but who owns the movie production house? . . . .Post release they also changed the film’s name to “The Boat That Rocked”. Obviously some big wig swooped in from above and demanded that content piracy isn’t glorified. . . .Careful, your wallets are showing.

Rating: B+

and no Beatles?